The Wright Love Page 10

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “If you know, then what?”

  I helplessly shrugged my shoulders. “There’s this fear that builds inside me when I consider dating again. When I think of what Jason will think in a year, two years, ten years. Will he resent me for bringing men into his life? Will he be as messed up as I am without one of his parents?”

  “Sutton,” Morgan said with a sigh. “You’re not messed up because of Mom. You’re messed up because Dad was a raving alcoholic, and you were raised by us. And we were just kids. It’s not going to be like that for Jason because he has you.”

  “You’re right,” I said, sniffling and hating myself for getting teared up once again. “I just worry. And dating complicates everything.”

  “It does. But David is one of the good ones. I consider him a friend, and I don’t make those easily. He’s been here a year, and I can’t shake the guy.”

  I laughed over a hiccup.

  She pointed the penis at me again. “Just talk to him.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to him, but…put that penis down.”

  Morgan laughed and dropped the penis cup into our cart. “My work here is done.”

  “It might not be today…or tomorrow,” I told her.

  “When you’re ready, Sut. Whenever you’re ready.”

  I nodded along, but I really didn’t know when that would be. Everyone made it seem like it would be so easy to pick back up where I’d left off. And I wanted it to be. But I couldn’t seem to get my feet under me. I kept tripping over myself and face-planting.

  I wished Maverick were here to tell me what to do. But I knew he’d never be here again. And it hardly made sense to want to talk to him about dating someone else, but I did. I missed having my best friend around. I missed the father of my child. I missed it being so easy to just breathe. To feel. To love.

  Seventeen

  Sutton

  I didn’t try to talk to David.

  Part of me had wanted to call him right after Morgan dropped me back off at home. But I hadn’t. I couldn’t make myself do it. Not with all the fears and anxiety still pulsing through me. When we had that talk again, I wanted to be more ready. More secure. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of doing this over and over again. He deserved better than that.

  On Tuesday afternoon, Jason and I piled all of our stuff into the Audi and drove over to Landon’s house. Before he had to leave to go back out on the professional golf tour, he was hosting a pool party for our aunt and cousins. They were supposed to return to Vancouver the next day. We’d spent some time together over the weekend, and I was sad to see them go.

  But I was excited to use Landon’s private pool overlooking the Wright golf course, which had had its first professional tournament in June. Also Landon’s first competition he had competed in after his injury healed.

  When we arrived at the party, Jason ignored everyone and rushed straight to Bethany’s side, who was standing by Kimber on the first step of the pool. I shook my head. That boy.

  After depositing our bags, I stripped out of my shorts and tank and followed my kid into the wading area of Landon’s enormous pool. It was the best view in Lubbock outside of the canyons, which West Texas had like holes in Swiss cheese.

  “Hey, Sutton!” Kimber said as she somehow managed to watch both Jason and Bethany play in the shallow end and keep an eye on the ever-adventurous Lilyanne in the deep end. She was superwoman.

  “Hey, Kimber. How’s the water?”

  “Amazing. Get in.”

  I knotted my hair up, plopped a big, floppy hat on my head, and then entered the pool, glad that I’d applied a thick layer of sunscreen on both me and Jason before leaving the house. Kimber was right. The water was absolutely what I needed after a long day at the bakery. I’d moved on from cupcakes, and everything seemed harder than that. But still satisfying.

  Jensen was at the grill with Landon coaxing him on proper technique while Aunt Helene and Julian stood nearby. Austin and Patrick were egging Lilyanne on to jump from the diving board. Bunch of jokesters. Heidi, Emery, and Julia were currently seated in a row, sunbathing. Well, Heidi mostly. Emery had her knees up and was deeply engrossed in a book. Julia had a baseball cap over her eyes and might have been asleep. My eyebrows rose considerably when I saw Annie standing awfully close to my cousin Jordan. I knew that look all too well.

  Jenny had been standing by them but gave up and jumped into the pool next to Kimber and me. “Hey, Sut. Thank God you’re here. Save me from Annie.”

  “That’s going to be trouble, isn’t it?” I asked.

  “Definitely,” Jenny agreed.

  Jason called my attention, and Jenny and I watched him play with Bethany.

  “Trouble?” Kimber asked.

  “Annie and Jordan,” I said, tilting my head toward them.

  Her eyes skipped to where I’d been looking, and she laughed. “I know that kind of trouble. It’s the good kind.”

  “Not with Annie,” I said halfheartedly.

  Who cared if Annie played her games with Jordan? He’d be gone in the morning.

  “She’s a bit of a hot mess,” Jenny said.

  “Well, more power to her at that age,” Kimber said with a grin.

  I moved deeper into the pool and splashed around with my son, lifting him into the air and dropping him back down in the water. He laughed and laughed and begged me to do it again. These were the days I lived for.

  My arms aching, I finally yielded the game to Austin, who had moved back into the shallow end. I was shaking my arms out when I saw a figure walk into the backyard in nothing but sea-foam green swim trunks and six-pack abs. My heart went from zero to sixty in two-point-three seconds. As fast as a Bugatti.

  David Calloway looked like a god. Living at the gym really worked for him. He had a runner’s build, but he lifted weights enough that his abs, arms, and chest were incredibly defined. It was impossible to look away.

  Even when his eyes found mine.

  Even when he smiled that brilliant smile at me.

  Even when I knew I should stop looking.

  It had been over a week since I forced David out of my life. And two-point-three seconds after I saw him, I knew I had made a mistake.

  The smart thing would have been to go over there and talk to him, like I’d promised Morgan. I knew that needed to happen. We had a lot to discuss. I wasn’t going to apologize for how I felt, but I would apologize for how I’d treated him. I’d pushed him away out fear that had festered inside me. That wasn’t fair to David. It honestly wasn’t even fair to myself.

  I’d do things differently this time and try to prepare myself for any other hiccups. Like total meltdowns over being a widow and having to raise my son alone.

  “Do you mind keeping an eye on Jason?” I asked Kimber.

  “Of course. I’ll just be here.”

  “Thanks.”

  I took a deep breath and then exited the water. I snagged a towel and dried off, adjusted my hat, and then went for it. This was going to be…fun.

  Morgan saw me approaching David and made a beeline for where the girls were sunbathing. Yeah, I didn’t want to be here for this awkward conversation either.

  David gave me a wary smile. I could tell it was forced, as if he wasn’t sure if I would welcome him or assault him. Just great. This was what I’d done.

  “Hey, David.”

  “Sutton,” he said with a tilt of his head.

  He glanced behind me to where my son was playing in the pool and then back to me. A pang burst in my heart.

  “When Morgan invited me, I didn’t really think about the fact that you probably wouldn’t want me here around Jason. Should I leave?”

  “No,” I said quickly. My hand darted out and touched his forearm. I pulled back and tried to smile again. “No, I don’t want you to leave.”

  “Okay. I can try to steer clear of him if that’s what you want. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything. This is your famil
y.”

  “I’m not uncomfortable.”

  He nodded once. His body was tense, as if he wasn’t sure what to say. I’d stolen his confidence from him, and now, he was worried in my presence. I didn’t like that one bit.

  “David…do you think we can…”

  But I was interrupted from finishing by my aunt yelling and pushing Julian into the pool. The splash drew everyone’s attention. He nearly landed on top of Jenny, and she screamed as water cascaded over her hair. We all started laughing as he came up out of the water, sputtering for breath, still in a T-shirt and tennis shoes. He tugged his shoes off and tossed them out of the pool as he apologized profusely to Jenny, who turned beet red. His mother was still laughing at him.

  Then, I saw movement. Jordan drew Annie away to the house. Yeah, I wasn’t stupid; I knew what was happening there.

  “What were you saying?” David asked.

  “I think Jordan and Annie are going to get into trouble.”

  David laughed. “Seems like it.”

  “Can’t take her anywhere.”

  “Excuse me. Excuse me,” Aunt Helene said before Julian could get out of the pool. “I’d like everyone’s attention. Can you all come closer, please?”

  I glanced at David and shrugged, and we moved to where my aunt was standing. Julian jumped hastily out of the pool and was speaking rapidly to his mother. But she ignored him, pushing him away.

  “Not now, Julian.”

  “Mother,” he hissed.

  I’d never heard him speak that way to anyone, let alone his mom. He was the quiet type, always keen to make other people comfortable, ahead of himself. He was the baby, like I was, and we kind of had that bond. Though I had always been quick to bring a smile and tell an outrageous story. We fit in the same way as Wrights.

  “I don’t care what you say, Julian Wright. I am going to say my piece.”

  He sighed and took a step back. His face was ashen. “Fine.”

  “This has been such a magical week for me,” Helene said, smiling at all of our family congregated around us. “It’s been nearly thirty years since I left Lubbock, and I still consider it my home. Meeting each and every one of you has made it clear that it’s time to come back.”

  My mouth dropped open. Oh my God! Aunt Helene is going to move to Lubbock again?

  “I’ve been considering this for a long time. Longer than you could possibly know. I have friends in Vancouver still, but this is my home. And I want to live my final years here.”

  “Final years?” Jensen asked with a tilt of his head and a furrow of his brows.

  He’d asked the question we were all wondering. What the hell did that mean?

  “You have been an excellent host, Jensen, but I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely honest with you…any of you. Jordan, Julian, and I believed it would be better if I came here under the pretext of a vacation so that I could see my old home and get to know you as you see me now. Healthy, happy, vibrant even. I wanted us to become friends before you found out that I had cancer.”

  A pin could have dropped outside. Even the kids were silent. Even the water had ceased lapping. Only I could hear the ringing in my ears at that word. That horrible, horrible word. The one that had wrecked my family from the start. That had taken my mother and ruined my father and left me parentless.

  Cancer.

  No!

  Not Helene, too.

  Not another person I cared for.

  “I’ve been battling it for many years. It came. It went. I fought. I won. I survived. Over and over,” she said with a sigh. “And, now, it’s back again, and it’s spreading, so I have to fight again. And I hate to put this on all of you, but the doctors think that I won’t be able to move again after we start treatments. So, I’m going to do it now. I’m going to move back, start a new treatment at the Medical Center here, and hope for the best.”

  Julian stepped forward then. “We didn’t mean to manipulate you. That was never our intention. We just…wanted her to enjoy her time before she was the aunt with cancer.”

  “I don’t feel manipulated,” Jensen said at once and then pulled Helene in for a hug. “I’m glad you’ll be here. Let me know how we can help.”

  Tears rimmed Helene’s eyes. “Thank you.”

  “We’ll do everything we can,” Landon said, coming up for a hug, too.

  Everyone pushed in tighter. Trying to get to Helene and welcome her home and wish her the best and do everything they could for her in this dark time.

  And me?

  I just stood there.

  Frozen.

  Unmoving.

  Cathartic.

  Because…how could this keep happening to people I cared about?

  What’s next? Who else is it going to happen to?

  It didn’t seem like an if, rather a when.

  Eighteen

  David

  “Sutton,” I said, cautiously placing a hand on her shoulder.

  She was white as a ghost. Her mouth hung open slightly, and she looked like she might vomit or faint. I tried to draw her attention away from her aunt.

  “Hey, Sutton, why don’t we get you out of here?”

  “Hmm?” she asked, as if going through a wind tunnel.

  “I think you need a minute to regroup.”

  “Okay,” she murmured listlessly.

  I placed a hand on her back and carefully maneuvered her out of the backyard. She felt stiff and motionless as the reality about Helene sank in. She was dying. Another person Sutton loved was dying. I could already see she was drowning.

  We moved through the glass double doors into the cool, air-conditioned interior of Landon’s house. It was a giant open floor plan with high-vaulted, wood-beamed ceilings. Everything was contemporary rustic and looked like it cost a fortune. I was pretty sure that it was Landon who had the discerning tastes and Heidi who liked to accent things in pink.

  “Take a seat.”

  I gestured for her to sit on a barstool, and she stared blankly forward.

  “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Your aunt still has a fighting chance. There’s no guarantee that this is the end for her. And, in either case, none of this is your fault.”

  She tilted her head to look at me. I saw the years of sorrow wash over her youthful face. She was scarred from the pain of all the deaths in life. Internal emotional scarring that nothing could ever erase or heal.

  “Sutton, you have a wonderful life. A son who loves you with all his big heart. Four siblings who think the world of you. Two best friends and a great job. You have…me,” I offered carefully. “You have so much. Your entire life isn’t just…this.”

  “I know,” she said.

  Then, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me.

  Her lips were soft and tender and inviting. These were the lips I’d been dreaming about long before she kissed me. Yet…this was wrong.

  She was only doing this out of grief for what she had heard. Her sadness and her mourning and her pain had led her to this moment. I would never take advantage of her. I couldn’t do it. I wanted more from her than that, and it wouldn’t be right to take it in a moment of weakness.

  With difficulty, I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. “Sutton…no.”

  “No?” she asked in confusion.

  “Why don’t we go for a walk and get you some fresh air?”

  “But, wait…I thought this was what you wanted?”

  “It is. It was,” I corrected. “But not like this. Not when you’re doing it in reaction to something else.”

  She nodded, and I could see shame cross her face. “I’m sorry.”

  “Let’s just walk.”

  “I am sorry,” she repeated.

  “I know.”

  We moved out of the house and away from the rest of the party. Neither of us looked back to see what was happening. We moved farther across the backyard and onto the golf course that Landon’s house had been built on. A gravel trail wound around the course, large en
ough for a golf cart, and we walked along it, away from the house and all its responsibilities.

  “I can’t go through another death,” Sutton finally said.

  “You don’t know that she’s going to die.”

  “With my luck…”

  “That’s not true. It’s the grief talking. You have no bearing on whether or not your aunt beats her cancer. The best you can do is get to know her while she’s here. She clearly came here for a reason, and she loves you all enough to tell the truth.”

  “Yeah, the truth. What a burden.” She shook her head and sighed. “I don’t mean to sound this down. I am happy that she’s here. I like her a lot and wish that we had known her our whole lives. But, fuck, it sucks.”

  “It does. It really does. Death like that…even just the thought of death, it fucks with you. It shreds you from the inside out. Time might numb it, but it never really heals.”

  Sutton’s eyes crept over to mine. “Exactly. How do you always know the right thing to say?”

  I blushed and turned my face away. I felt a pang in my chest. I should tell her everything. Reveal the past I kept so close to me. That no one knew, and I never wanted anyone to know. But this was real, and she deserved my truth. Except…everything was still so precarious.

  “David?” she asked quietly.

  “My best friend committed suicide.”

  It took me a second before I realized that Sutton had stopped entirely at my words. She was standing a few feet behind me.

  I turned around to look at her. “What?”

  “Your best friend committed suicide? You never told me that.”

  “You never asked.”

  “This whole year, you were here for me through what happened with Maverick. You never pushed me. You never tried to make me feel guilty about the pain. You never tried to make me get over it. You never even had a misstep where you just said something that I’d heard a million times before and was so over…like that stupid fucking phrase, Everything happens for a reason. You never said any of that.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Why did you never tell me?”