Following Me Page 12

  “That sounds scary, Dev,” he finally said. “No wonder you wake up in tears.”

  His eyes were filled with sympathy, and she suddenly didn’t feel as silly. His acceptance was invigorating. She felt justified in her fear rather than feeling childish.

  “Why do you think you keep having these dreams? Do you have any idea?” he asked, taking her very seriously.

  Another crossroad. How much could she tell him? Not the truth, not all of it. Maybe just a piece. Definitely not the root cause. She wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready for that. She had to tell him something though.

  “I have my suspicions,” she said softly.

  “Any you would like to share with me?”

  Devon sighed heavily. Here goes nothing, she thought.

  “I, um…can only guess. They’re not reality. I mean, I’ve never had anyone chase me,” she told him.

  “Right.”

  “Well…I didn’t come to Chicago for a vacation,” she said as fast as she possibly could.

  He nodded. “When you decided to stay, I figured that, but I didn’t want to pry.”

  Devon hadn’t told anyone this even though she knew Hadley and Brennan had speculated about the circumstances of her staying. And she couldn’t tell Garrett why either. She just wasn’t ready.

  “I kind of ran away from my life,” she whispered softly. She was ashamed to even say it out loud. It sounded just as foolish as when she had recounted her dreams.

  “What could be so bad that you would want to run away?” he asked curiously.

  He didn’t sound like he was judging her, like she had expected. He just sounded interested in her problems. She could trust him. She could begin to trust him.

  “Well…I was kind of tired of my life,” she said, tiptoeing around the real problem. “I told my boyfriend that I was in Paris with my family for the summer, and I told my family that I was staying in St. Louis with my boyfriend. Then, I called Hadley and hopped on the first train here. I needed to get away. There were too many things I couldn’t take anymore. Sometimes, I feel like I was just being melodramatic about the whole thing, like maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed.”

  Before speaking, Garrett seemed to consider what she had said. “So, you think you’re having these dreams because you ran away?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know,” she said, not wanting to be any less vague.

  “It must not have been easy to get on a train like that. I don’t know if I could do it,” he said, looking at her admirably. “Sometimes, I wish I could.”

  “You?” she asked, not hiding her shock. “Why would you want to leave this?”

  He laughed bitterly. “For someone so smart, you aren’t terribly perceptive, are you?”

  She shook her head. “Never have been.”

  “I have my own demons that I’d be happy to run from. My father, for one,” Garrett said, resting back heavily into the sofa.

  Devon wondered then what she hadn’t wondered before. Perhaps his life and the perfect relationship she had thought he had with Hadley…wasn’t as perfect as she had suspected. He didn’t know about Hadley’s drug use—that much she was sure of. But how much of that put a rift in their relationship?

  “He’s controlling and demanding. He doesn’t see me for who I am. He doesn’t care about anything that I care about. He doesn’t even like Hadley,” he said heavily.

  “How could anyone not like Hadley?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “I’m not sure. He just doesn’t think she’s good enough for me,” he said. “What he means is that she doesn’t have enough money.”

  “But she has a wonderful job,” Devon broke in, feeling like she needed to defend her friend.

  Garrett shook his head. “Old money. Status. Prestige. She’s from small town Missouri,” he said as if this was sufficient explanation.

  Devon understood then. She had dealt with prejudices her entire life. She could see the weight on Garrett’s shoulders as he fought for the girlfriend he wanted, and the strain it had put on Hadley because she felt she would never be able to live up to it. As Devon recalled the first time she had stepped foot into the apartment, she understood the statement Hadley had made about Garrett going to his dad’s. Devon hadn’t realized how anxious Hadley had looked until now.

  Devon’s parents sometimes acted like that, and she thought it was ridiculous. Her family had lived in Nashville for as long as Devon could even remember. Old Southern money was a privilege that afforded a person more luxuries than just status. Devon had taken it for granted a lot in her life. She knew the pros and cons of that lifestyle. She could empathize with what Garrett was going through.

  “I’ve been there,” she said, reaching out to him and resting her hand on his. “My parents are like that sometimes.”

  “Thanks,” he said, shrugging like he didn’t want to talk about it any longer.

  It was sure easier to talk about him than her. This conversation did seem to strike a bond that Devon couldn’t shake.

  “Sorry for changing the topic. I was trying to help you out with your dreams,” Garrett said.

  Devon smiled. “I think you helped.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “Yeah, I think so. It was…nice to talk about it and get it off my chest,” she said.

  “I hope you sleep better now. I think you have too many good things going for you to keep you from waking up in tears from your dreams. Maybe getting away from everything is exactly what you needed.” He turned his hand over and squeezed hers gently.

  “Maybe it is,” Devon said.

  She wished she could believe it as easily as he had said it.

  DARKNESS HADN’T YET fallen on the Chicago summer evening. The weather was muggy after the series of storms that had dotted the horizon the past week. When Devon had visited the Navy Pier earlier in the week, waves had been crashing so hard that she had been forced to leave. Thankfully, the rain was holding off for now as she teetered down the street in her impractical high heels and form-fitting dress.

  The club was supposedly just around the block, but Devon wasn’t familiar with this neighborhood. She wished she had taken Garrett’s offer and went with him and Hadley when they left a little later, but things were at a standstill with Hadley. She wasn’t giving any ground, and anytime Devon had tried to push, Hadley would close off completely. Devon was hoping that tonight would be a good starting point to rebuild their relationship.

  She double-checked the GPS on her phone to make sure she was going in the right direction. She took the next right and then found what she was looking for about halfway down the street. It was kind of a small, seedy-looking place. The only indication that it was a club was the unlit sign that read Open Mic Tonight.

  As she walked into the place, she immediately felt overdressed. No one had told her what to wear for this, and she was too used to the music clubs back home. She always used to dress up to watch performances. Sometimes, even big names would show up out of nowhere to drink and play their favorite tunes. Devon didn’t think this was that kind of place.

  Devon paid the cover charge and walked into the main seating area. When she entered, eyes followed her around the bar, and she immediately became self-conscious. She didn’t think she looked that great tonight, but the men here appeared ready to eat her alive. It was a discomforting sort of feeling, especially since Garrett and Hadley wouldn’t be here for a little while. She scanned the crowd, hoping to see someone she knew.

  The room was set up in a flat-tiered fashion with four to eight tables on each tier that formed a semi-circle around a small stage. A single microphone and a beat-up wooden chair were the focal point. A black curtain hung against the back wall as the only decoration. The room was dimly lit and clouded with smoke.

  Devon craned her neck, looking around. She knew other people from work were supposed to be here. Most of them didn’t like her because she was the new girl, but it would be better to si
t with them than to sit alone. She was pretty sure she recognized someone when she felt a hand grab her ass. She squeaked in surprise and whipped around faster than she probably should have in her heels.

  “Whoa there, honey,” the man said, eyeing her like he wanted to find out how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

  Devon glared at the man, and he smirked.

  “You lookin’ for a place to sit? I’ve got a place right here,” he said, patting his lap. His friends roared with laughter while the guy just continued to look her up and down.

  “No, thanks,” she said and turned.

  The man reached out and grabbed her arm, and Devon froze.

  “Where you think you’re goin’, baby?”

  This wasn’t good. Devon could tell what would happen next. This guy was already belligerently drunk even if it was early in the evening. The room was dark, and no one was going to interfere. It felt just like one of her dreams.

  Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! she yelled in her head.

  But she wasn’t waking up, and usually by this point, she was in that stupid bedroom with that stupid white bed, face-planting into the stupid soft comforter.

  The guy was just holding her arm. However sinister he appeared, this was not like her dream. This was reality, and she had to face it.

  Devon tried breathing in and out to keep from hyperventilating as she turned back toward the guy. “Let me go,” she said softer than she would have liked.

  “Oh, come on,” he said, tugging her closer to him.

  “Is there a problem?” Brennan asked, materializing out of thin air.

  Devon released her breath as the guy loosened his grip on her arm.

  “No concern of yours,” the guy said.

  “Mind letting my friend go, so we can get to our seats?” Brennan asked, raising his eyebrows.

  The guy carelessly flung her arm back at her, and Devon immediately took a step away from him. She massaged her arm where he had gripped her. Her mind was racing.

  That terrible voice from her dream spoke into her mind then. “You thought you were safe, but you’ll never be safe.”

  “Come on, Devon.” Brennan ushered her in front of him without pulling his gaze away from the guy.

  She could tell Brennan didn’t trust the guy not to swing on him or worse.

  Devon had been approached by these kinds of guys before, and they were all the same. She tried to push the incident aside, but it kept creeping up on her. Was she a walking target for these idiots? Did people just find it funny to mess with her? She must have looked as bad as she felt because Brennan pulled her up short.

  “Hey, are you alright?” he asked.

  She wondered how many times he had asked her that question and how many times she had denied anything was wrong. It had been at least a dozen times a week since they had started working together.

  This time, she didn’t have to pretend. She wasn’t okay. The guy who had grabbed her was two or three times her size. He could have easily overpowered her, and he knew it. She had seen the flash in eyes that said he had all the power. He was reveling in her helplessness, and that was scariest of all.

  “No,” she finally said, shaking her head. “I don’t particularly like being manhandled.”

  “I don’t think many people do,” he said.

  When a group walked past them, Brennan placed his hand on the small of her back, moving her to the side. Her body warmed at his touch, and she tried to push aside her growing attraction to him. She had spent too much time with him at work, and she didn’t need this right now.

  “Thanks for getting me out of there,” she said softly.

  “Thanks for answering my question,” he replied with a smile unlike any she had ever seen from him.

  Her cheeks heated, and she looked away.

  “And for coming to my gig.”

  She cleared her throat. “You’ve been telling me about it for weeks. How could I miss it?”

  “You’re sneaky. I thought you would find a way.”

  “I’m not sneaky,” she said defensively.

  “You’re proving me wrong,” he said, nudging her forward. “Amy and Hannah are over here. We couldn’t get anyone else out of work.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Do you know if Hadley and Garrett are going to show?” he asked, glancing at her apprehensively.

  “I think so. Garrett told me they planned to,” she told him, wondering if she had said too much.

  “Still not really talking to Hadley?” he asked intuitively.

  Yep, she had said too much.

  “Oh look, I see Amy,” Devon said, ducking out from under his arm.

  “About you answering questions,” Brennan muttered as he followed her.

  Amy and Hannah seemed to be deep in discussion about something when Brennan and Devon walked up, but the women welcomed them to the table. Devon took a seat next to Amy, and Brennan sat next to Devon. She didn’t know when Hadley and Garrett would show up, so she was left with just Brennan’s company.

  When she realized Amy and Hannah were going to continue ignoring her, Devon turned to Brennan. “So, what are you singing tonight?”

  “I’ve opted for originals.”

  “You write your own lyrics?” she asked, surprised.

  He hadn’t mentioned that part. It made her want to pull out her notebook. With how busy she had been, she hadn’t had a chance to open it recently. It made her heart hurt to think about the last time she had written anything. Lyrics had always come so naturally to her. It was likely due to her parents’ profession even if she didn’t like to admit it. She still carried the notebook everywhere with her, but writing had fallen to the wayside since she had taken the job at Jenn’s.

  Brennan shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Some. They’re not great, but I’ve been particularly inspired recently.”

  “That’s good,” she said, finding she actually wanted to contribute to this conversation. “I like when I feel like that…most of the time.”

  “Me, too,” he said, looking her straight in the eyes.

  “Sometimes, it’s like ripping my heart out and writing with the blood.” She clutched her chest.

  “Sometimes, it’s like that,” he agreed. “And other times, it’s like the sun only shines for you, every breath of oxygen was designed for you to breathe, and life has a new purpose.”

  Devon swallowed and nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Sometimes, it’s like that, too.”

  “But I like either as long as someone feels the music.”

  A pause followed in the conversation. Devon didn’t know exactly what to say. When her phone vibrated in her purse, it kept her from saying anything. She pulled it out and stared down at the message. Reid. He had only sent a message to her once since she had supposedly left for Paris. Her heart sped up. What if she got caught? How would she respond?

  Taking a deep breath, she pulled up the text.

  I know you won’t get this message for another month, but I’ve been missing you here. I wish I could get in contact with you because I have free time. Paris for a week sounds like a dream. Paris with you sounds even better. Call me as soon as you land, so I know you’re safe.

  As Devon finished reading the message, her hands continued to shake even though she knew she hadn’t been caught. She closed her eyes and then opened them slowly. In a split-second decision, she deleted the text from her phone. She didn’t know what had come over her, but she couldn’t have his words staring at her, making her feel guilty, for another second.

  Since she had left, she had received three or four emails a week from him. She hadn’t answered any of them. He was probably starting to wonder why she wouldn’t even answer emails, but she didn’t care. What could she say anyway?

  “Anything interesting?” Brennan asked, leaning over to her side.

  She closed her phone quickly and looked up at him. She hadn’t realized how close he was until that moment. Devon wet her lips as
she gazed into the depths of his eyes. His pupils were especially dilated tonight. She didn’t know if it was from the lack of light in the room or if he had smoked pot before arriving. He didn’t smell like it. Actually, he smelled great. How had she never noticed that?

  He cocked a lazy smile at her, like he could read her thoughts. Maybe he could. He just stared right back at her, exploring her face in ways that made her feel even guiltier for deleting Reid’s text message.

  The more she was around Brennan, the more she noticed him, and that was a slippery slope. Had he always been this good-looking? Had she just not noticed before because she had been blinded by Reid and all the problems she was working through? Or was it more than just his appearance? After all, he hadn’t changed his looks. It was just him. It was something about him that she just got. It was something a person could only experience. Now that she was staring at him, she couldn’t fathom not noticing.

  If she had thought coming to this show would at all dampen her rising desire for the man sitting in front of her, she was wrong. Dead wrong.

  “No, nothing interesting,” she said, finally pulling her eyes away from him.

  Devon was saved from further conversation when the lights began flickering to draw attention. A woman in a black dress walked onto the stage with more confidence than Devon could muster and took the microphone in her hand with a smile. She announced the start of the club’s open mic night, resulting in a boisterous round of applause. While she talked, she strutted back and forth across the small stage like she owned it. A few men let out catcalls. Devon hoped that didn’t continue and that it was only because the woman was clearly an MC of sorts.

  Suddenly, the lights shut off, casting the entire bar into darkness. Devon looked around in confusion even though she couldn’t make out anything at all. She didn’t particularly like the dark, not after all her nightmares. She hesitantly began to rise, but then Brennan’s hand found hers in the dark, stilling her. Devon could feel Brennan staring at her even though she couldn’t see him, but this seemed to settle her rather than unnerve her.