Avoiding Intimacy Read online

  He took this as encouragement and moved his hands back down her arms. His hands got adventurous, rounding the curves of her breasts and then trailing down her flat stomach to the waistline of her black shorts. His fingers dipped under the material and fluttered lightly across the inside of the seam. She dropped her head backward onto his shoulder as his touch heated her body. Maybe this was the easiest way to forget.

  They were pressed in on every side by a mass of bodies dancing in the darkness. She couldn’t tell one person from the next, and it was giving him courage he likely wouldn’t have had otherwise. His lips found the side of her neck, kissing up to her ear. She tilted her head sideways, giving him easier access, as she enjoyed the taste of pursuit.

  She laughed at his boldness, but she didn’t stop him as his hand moved farther into her shorts. His finger stroked her silk underwear in time with the music. She rolled her ass in circles against his hardening cock, teasing him despite her refusal.

  “Tease,” he growled into her ear. He pinched her clit through her panties. Her body arched backward into him, surprised by his forcefulness. She had clearly been right about her assessment of that smile. “Come home with me.”

  When she nodded, he released her and pulled his hand out of her shorts. She let him take her hand, and she followed him out of the club. See, back to normal.

  They took a cab to his place, and she told Carl to tail them. She already knew she wasn’t going to stay the night with this guy.

  They reached his apartment building fifteen minutes later, and he practically dragged her up to the second floor. She followed, trying to get into the haste and enthusiasm that was radiating off of him. By this point, she was wishing that she had finished her martini earlier. Another drink would do her some good. He had clearly had a few more than her.

  He jiggled the door open and pushed it with his hip. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his apartment. Their lips crashed together before he even got the door closed behind him. He tasted like whiskey and cigarettes. He stumbled backward, trying to guide them to the bedroom in the dark, but he ran into an armchair and fell over the edge. He stood up laughing awkwardly.

  “Sorry. Guess my roommate trashed the place,” he said apologetically.

  Chyna had no doubt that his roommate did not trash the place, or at least, he had something to do with the disaster she could see even in the dark. Men!

  Once they finally made it into his bedroom, he scooted a pile of clothes off the bed. Chyna tried not to judge her surroundings, but she was really wondering how he had made it into the VIP section at all. This was why she had always brought people back to her place. It was really easier. But, under her present condition and the fact that her face was everywhere, she thought it best not to draw any more attention to herself.

  His lips found hers again, and she tried to push energy into the kiss. He was demanding passion, and she wasn’t feeling it. Normally, she didn’t care as long as she got something out of it, but tonight just sucked.

  She tried to push Marco and everything associated with him out of her head as she forced herself to concentrate on his kisses. His arms wrapped around her hips, pulling her into his body. She eased into him; she wanted this.

  They fell backward against his bed, which creaked with their added body weight to the poor frame. His hands found the end of her shirt, and he awkwardly pushed it up to her throat. He flipped her bra up, rather than unsnapping it in the back, and he massaged both of her breasts between his hands. She tried to feel something, anything for this guy. God, he was caressing her breasts like he was surprised she had them rather than adoring their beauty!

  He kissed around her right nipple before sucking it up between his lips. He pinched it gently between his teeth until it became a small peak. He worked on the other one until it matched, continuing to massage the right breast like he was playing with Play-Doh. Chyna closed her eyes and let her head fall back, wanting nothing more than to let herself feel the heat that had traveled through her body in the club.

  One of his hands found her wrist lying limp on the bed. He grabbed it and placed her hand on his erection that was throbbing through his dress pants.

  “Play with him,” he told her, pressing her hand down harder.

  Her eyes flew open, and she stared up at the ceiling. Had he just said him?

  “Come on, baby. Play with him,” he repeated. He helped her by unzipping his pants, shoving his boxers down over his dick, and showing him to her.

  It was nicely sized but nothing to write home about.

  In the split second she stared at it, hanging over the edge of his boxers with pre-cum dripping from the tip, she decided she was better than this. What the hell had she been thinking? How had she ever gotten to this point?

  She went through life accepting the short end of the stick, thinking she deserved nothing more than what was handed to her. She fucked millionaires and busboys alike because she was gorgeous and rich and could get away with it. She could get away with not caring what anyone else thought, thinking she wasn’t worth much more. It was easier not to get attached, not to allow anyone else to see that she wasn’t worth their time.

  But, this guy was clearly not worth her time.

  “Sorry, I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I can’t sleep with you,” Chyna said, sitting up and adjusting her top so it was no longer strangling her.

  “What?” he asked, sitting up next to her.

  “This just isn’t working for me.”

  He hid him back in his boxers, and then he zipped up his pants. “You’re joking?” he asked, glancing away from her.

  “Yeah, I just…” she began, shrugging. What could she tell him? The thought of his pre-cum getting near her grossed her out? He had played with her breasts like a kindergartener? She wasn’t at all interested in him? He would never live up to an Italian fashion designer? He would never live up to Adam? God, why was he still on her brain?! And, why did he have to be at Alexa’s last weekend? Focus!

  “I don’t understand.”

  “What don’t you understand?” she asked, standing. Placing a hand on her hip, she leaned into it and stared at him, raising her eyebrow. “This was a mistake, plain and simple.”

  “So, we’re not going to fuck?” he asked, standing up from the bed to look at her.

  “No,” she said with a shudder, “definitely not.”

  “Whatever,” he said as if he wasn’t offended. “I just wanted to say I slept with a supermodel anyway.”

  Chyna felt like he had punched her in the face. She kept the shock off her face, but she couldn’t keep her stomach from clenching like a vice grip.

  Really? He knew who she had been all along. He had just wanted to fuck her, so he could tell all of his friends that he had slept with the girl in the New York Times advertisement. What an asshole!

  Thank God she had made the right choice!

  “I doubt you ever will,” she said, stomping through his house.

  “You were easy enough to get home,” he called from the door of his bedroom.

  “It’s too bad you don’t even know how to use your dick,” she called over her shoulder, wrenching the door open.

  “Cunt!”

  She smiled. Now there was a compliment.

  As she walked out of the door, she realized how much she could not wait to meet with Cassandra and get her life back on track. Because she was crumbling in her new existence.

  CHAPTER 10

  MAY TWO MONTHS EARLIER

  Chyna heard the door click closed in the living room, and she jumped up from her closet floor. She had turned the place upside down, debating on what to bring for two months in Milan. She always packed heavy. Well, she had always had someone pack heavy for her. She and Adam had just returned from Alexa’s graduation party in Atlanta, and her two biggest Louis Vuitton bags were still stuffed full of garments she had never worn. How could she possible decide what she was going to wear two months out?

  Trying not
to think about it anymore, she wandered out of her bedroom and down the hall. “Hey, you,” she said, walking up to Adam and throwing her arms around him. “How was work?”

  He bent down and kissed her on the mouth. “I’m glad it’s over, and that my night belongs to you.”

  “Me, too,” she said before she deepened the kiss.

  “I wish all of my days belonged to you,” he whispered against her lips.

  “They do,” she said, threading her fingers through his hair.

  “Except for those two months when you go to Italy.”

  Chyna sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. “Are we having this conversation again?”

  “Nothing wrong with me wanting you close.”

  “No, there’s not,” she agreed. “But, come on, Italy for a photo shoot for two months. It’s a dream come true.”

  He held her tighter. “I didn’t know it was your dream though.”

  “Well, it is,” she said, breaking his hold. “I really don’t want to talk about this again. I feel like we’ve had this same discussion a dozen times since I got the job offer.” She shook her head and started walking back to her bedroom.

  “Can we talk about how you got this job again?” Adam asked. “Seems kind of suspect.”

  “Is it suspicious because someone thought that I could perform a job well or because I want to go?” she demanded, her anger rising.

  This was ridiculous. He just couldn’t fathom why anyone would hire her. She had no prior experience, no references, and no in to the modeling world besides a mother who no longer spoke to her. Yet, she still managed to get this job. He didn’t understand that she needed none of that. She still managed to get this job. She just needed a break, and she had found it.

  “Why do you have to change the subject?” he asked, striding down the hallway after her.

  “Because you make it seem like I can’t do whatever I want to do,” she said, pushing the door open with her hand.

  “I never suggested that. I merely want to know how you ended up getting a modeling contract thousands of miles away from me without batting an eyelash.”

  “Oh, so you think I batted an eyelash?” She whirled in place. “Is that what you think?”

  Adam walked slowly up to her, standing all tensed-up in the middle of her bedroom. He placed his hands on her arms and stared down into her eyes. “No,” he said with a wry smile. “That’s not what I think.”

  She stared up into his hazel eyes that were looking so intently down on her, and she felt bad for getting so riled up. She was leaving in twenty-four hours and didn’t need this bickering. Why did she have to get like this? He only had her best intentions at heart.

  “I was merely curious about the circumstances surrounding a job that you didn’t apply for or know anything about. I don’t want you walking into some kind of scam,” he told her reassuringly.

  “I’ve told you about how I got the job,” she said, not breaking eye contact. “It’s not a scam.”

  “Tell me one more time,” he requested, running his hands down her arms.

  “I met Marco,” she began.

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “Mr. Moretti,” she corrected, “the fashion designer for Marco’s clothing line, at his grand opening.”

  “And, you got those tickets…” he prompted.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. They showed up at my front door.”

  “Right. They showed up at your front door,” he said, his voice disbelieving.

  Chyna soldiered on. She was telling him the truth, even if he was refusing to believe her. She didn’t know how she got the tickets, and frankly, she didn’t care because those tickets led her to get the job. “Mr. Moretti offered to do a photo shoot with me when we met at the opening.”

  “Just like that. For no reason. No other offer,” he said snidely.

  Chyna swallowed. “No. No other offer.” Okay, so she fibbed a bit, but he didn’t need to know that. “I told him I would think about it, and then I took his card and left.”

  “And, you thought about it and decided you wanted to go to Italy for two months.”

  “I didn’t know he would want me to go to Italy for two months when I agreed to model for him,” she told him exasperated.

  “Well, what did he tell you?”

  “That he would meet me in Central Park since he was still in town. We took a few pictures. He offered me the job and told me some information about the shoot. I accepted. I found out about the extent of the modeling job after I’d already agreed to go. I couldn’t back out!”

  “I know,” he said, running his hands across her waist and pulling her in close. “I know how you feel about it all. I’m just going to miss you.” He whispered that last line into her ear.

  She nearly lost it. He would miss her. He hadn’t said that before. No one had ever missed her. Not really. Not like that. Not heartbreakingly so.

  She grabbed at the back of his button-up shirt, fisting it in her hands, and she pulled it loose from his pants. She needed him right now like she had never needed anything else.

  “What are you doing?” he asked softly.

  She looked up at him with a devious smile. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  Once his shirt was untucked, she ran her hands up the front and began unfastening each button individually.

  “Why the sudden shift in mood?”

  “You’re going to miss me,” she whispered, biting on her bottom lip.

  “Of course I am,” he said, reaching up and running his thumb across her jawline before he captured her lips.

  “No one ever misses me,” she admitted, pushing her hands underneath his shirt and sliding it over his shoulders.

  He shrugged out of the shirt, letting it fall to the ground. She felt so vulnerable, but this was Adam. She could do this with him.

  He seemed to respond to her declaration with vigor, pressing his lips desperately against hers. Their mouths locked together in an emotional feverish embrace, speaking volumes more than either of them had ever been able to say about their affection. He broke contact to kiss her neck, lowering the spaghetti straps of her dress so that he could kiss across her exposed collarbone. It was a helpless longing of two souls craving nothing more than the other.

  Chyna’s hands went to work, unbuckling his belt and then shoving his pants to the ground. She wanted him, needed him. It was something more than desire pushing through her, but she couldn’t place it. All she knew was that this needed to happen, and it needed to happen now. Everything else could wait.

  His hands found the hem of her dress, and he pulled it over her head. She smiled up at him confidently. She was so unbelievably ready for him. He stripped out of his boxers while she unclasped her bra and stepped out of her pink thong.

  “You look so pretty,” he said, brushing his lips against her.

  “Pretty?” she asked with a giggle. Pretty was for girls. She was accustomed to being called gorgeous and sexy…not pretty.

  “Yeah, Chyna. You are so unbelievably pretty. The prettiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he said, slowly walking her backward toward the bed. His right hand came up, tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear.

  “Ever?” she asked. She felt giddy. Pretty didn’t sound so bad coming out of his mouth. He was breaking all the rules, and she liked it.

  His hands ran down her naked body, gripping her hips. “Ever.”

  The backs of her knees hit the footboard of the bed, stopping her in her tracks.

  “Just see yourself through my eyes for one day,” he pleaded, pulling her into a soft, sensual kiss.

  When they broke apart, she stared up at him breathless, uncertain how to take that last statement. “How do you see me?” she asked, seeing her relfection in his hazel eyes. She looked the same as always.

  “As so much more than a pretty face,” he whispered, brushing his nose against hers lightly. “So much more.”

  She placed both of her hands on h
is cheeks, leaned forward, and kissed him with all the promise of what was to come. He pressed her backward toward the mattress, and they eased into the plush down comforter together. His hands roamed her body, and sparks ignited at his touch. As their kiss heated, warmth spread through her lower half, and she had the sudden realization that she never wanted this to stop.

  It was somehow…more than anything else she had ever experienced. She didn’t know what that meant or what she was feeling. Her stomach was clenching up, her heart was beating erratically, and her palms were clammy. Every sensation seemed heightened, and she felt lost in his every touch.

  As he pulled back from their passionate kiss, Adam’s hand came up and stroked her dark hair. All went silent. It was just the two of them. She wanted him for everything he had said and more, so much more.

  He eased into her without another word, and she was so ready for him. She was ready to feel all of him. She needed to know that he was hers—only hers. That was all that she wanted in that moment. She was glad that someone finally wanted her exactly as she was.

  She wrapped her legs around his hips, meeting him stroke for stroke. They moved together effortlessly, working up a sweat as their desire mounted. Her back arched off the bed as his movements quickened, and her impending climax awakened her body.

  “Chyna,” he groaned, resting one of his elbows next to her head while thrusting into her.

  She moaned louder than before as he slid into her again faster.

  “I’m getting close.”

  “Me, too,” she moaned, her hands digging into his slick back.

  “Will you look at me?”

  She breathed heavily, letting her back fall down to the bed. He was moving faster on top of her, slamming into her body at irregular intervals, and she was on the brink. Her head tilted toward him, and her eyes slowly fluttered open.

  “That’s exactly how I want to remember you.”

  “Remember me?” she asked through her deep breaths.

  “Every time I think about you,” he said with a smirk.

  “Fuck!” she cried, orgasm ripping through her body at his sweet words.